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happiness is a gradual process...
20 most recent entries

Date:2006-05-04 08:42
Subject:Been awhile....

Chandra and I are once again fighting. I don't know what to do this time... after all I mean... we are married. It is going to end I think. After 4 months I can't take it anymore... It will be over I am sure. But yeah that is all I got for now.

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Date:2005-11-02 21:04

Chandra and I are fighting. I am upset, I mean, she is talking to her ex boyfriend, who I hate. I am really scared about him, he just creeps me out, alot, for that matter. I don't know how to tell her though. So as of right now, I am just keeping my feelings bottled up.
We are fighting over stupid shit anyways. Ugh... I hate this shit!

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Date:2005-10-14 13:31
Subject:Life sucks and then you die... just kidding.

For the first time in forever, I am at home. I don't stay here very often. I mean, I sleep here, but I am not usually here during the day. It is kind of creepy. I mean, it's just a little bit weird to me, ya know?
I haven't talked to really anyone these last couple of days. I have been busy with everything. I have school, softball, Chandra, all of it. I was going to go out last night, but I decided to stay home because, well
#1. Chandra wanted to talk to me.
#2. I didn't feel all that great.
#3. I really didn't want to go dancing last night.

Well, I need to do some homework and then I will probably update more tonight.
love ya,

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Date:2005-09-26 18:59
Subject:August 8, 2006
Mood: hopeful

The date of my marriage to Chandra Michelle. I am totally excited, and I cannot wait until we are officially married. I want to spend my life with her, and I totally ready to devote every feeling inside to her. She is my future, my wife, my lover, and my life partner.

As you all know, well the people I really talk to:
Things at home have been rough. My parents and I are not getting along at all, and I am trying to hurry and up and get out of my house completely. I want to stay for my Mom, but my Dad and I just can't see eye to eye. I really have no idea what I want.

Now, I am trying to pick a college and it is honestly, the hardest thing ever. I want to stay in town for Chandra, but then again, I really don't want to go ahead and give up my college dream. I have always dreamt of going away for college and now, the thought of staying home is about to kill me. I don't want to stay in Tallahassee, I hate it here. I would be the first person in my family to ever leave town, besides my brother, but he doesn't really count. Only because he got thrown out, and it wasn't by choice.

Softball is rough. I am trying very hard to be captain. I want to lead all of those girls. I love them so so much, they truly have a piece of my heart. They really have the potential to do ver well this year. In fact, we should end up at States, hopefully. I really want to go to the Softball State Finals. It really would be a dream come true.

Amber and I talked today. I really miss that girl, as a friend. We really made some good memories, that I will cherish forever. I love her to death. I am glad that She and Zack are doing well. She is so in love with that boy and he seems to feel the same way about her. I have never met him, but I mean, his intentions seem well.

April is supposed to come down here in December. Well, actually she is going to Orlando for her Dad, but she said that she would probably end up coming up here. I am glad because I really do miss her. That girl is a total trip. I am glad that she found someone that is treating her right.

It seems like everyone has found great bf's and gf's now days. I am so happy with Chandra, I never thought that she would be the on to steal my heart, but she took it all. She took my heart and soul... and you know what... write the date down, (Kasi is saying this) I am so happy to be marrying her and sharing my life with her. I want to have kids with her and be with her... only her.

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Date:2005-08-16 21:57
Subject:African American.... that is me.

i don't know if all of you know this, but I am definately Sout African. So, technically I am African American, how cool is that? LoL. I am so proud!
I love this... today went by so slow.

Woke up: 6:30
Left for school: 7:45
Got to school: 8:10
Went to class: 8:20
Lunch: 11:15
Back to class: 11:50
Out of school: 2:40
Picked up Chandra: 4:00
Went to work: 5:30
Break: 7:00
Back to work: 7:30
Off work: 9:00
Got home: 9:30

And it's 10:01 now. Basically that was my day, in short terms.

All in all, it was a good day, but a very long one.

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Date:2005-08-12 20:49

I am getting married! I am so excited. My parents hate my girlfriend with a passion, but for once I don't give a damn what they think. I love Chandra way too much to give her up, I am staying with her. I love her, and I cannot deny her that love. So FUCK all the people that have a problem with it.

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Date:2005-07-13 09:51

amber comes home on friday.

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Date:2005-06-27 12:48
Subject:I dont Know
Mood: blonde

Okay, so i was supposed to have senior pics today but I still have a busted lip from this past weekend, so that ios not until next wednesday... thank you god. So instead I am at work and I had lunch with my fiance... Chani. She is so sweet i love her so much. I wish she knew. We went to the mall and just kind of walked around... it was sweet.

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Date:2005-06-08 12:25
Mood: chillin

I am trying to work. I am trying to get everything done, hold my relationship together, and make the house payment. My dad doesn't work, he's too lazy to get a job. SO, I got a job. My mom gets retirement and diability, that pays the insurance on their cars and it pays the electric bill, and the hous phone bill. Now, I am stuck with paying the house payment, my car insurance, and my cell bill. I feel like I have to do everything. If I don't work, than our bill falls behind. I am 17, should I have to work my ass of like this? It is driving me crazy. I am thankful for what I have though, I know that there are some people that are worse off, and I pray for them each and every night. I am just tired and overwhelmed. I am sick off this relationship being like this, it sucks.
My relationship is adding so much more stress because I feel like the girl that I am with needs extra attention because I cheated... in the past. I told her she took me back, but still should I feel like this? I am going insane. I have to play softball this weekend too.

Listen to this shit.

I work on Friday, 6:30-4:30, then I have to go straight to the feild to warm up for my game at 7:30. Then, I have to go back to work and shut the office down.... ugh. I am going to be so tired come Monday, but I still won't be able to take oof because I will have to have the money. Somebody just help...lol.

I love my girlfriend so much... today is 6 months. I doubt she knows what I am talking about though. I cried on the phone with her earlier and she finally got me calmed down.

Well, back to work.

ERRANDS: BANK, HOSPITAL, CHANDRA'S< to check on shay shay, WORK.... again. lol

I love you guys, stay safe. :)

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Date:2005-06-02 09:35
Mood: awake

fred got hit yesterday....

i love you baby... omg... i love you so much.

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Date:2005-06-01 12:11

work.... i am so bored. i love that girl so much..... i hope she knows.

yeah... i am going crazy... this job sucks.... i am soooo bored.

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Date:2005-05-24 10:35

i am going crazy.... i havent seen her in what seems like forever..... i love her so much........ ugh..............


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Date:2005-05-02 07:27

I made a mistake and I know it, that is what hurts so bad.

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Date:2005-03-11 08:15
Subject:seems like forever
Mood: calm

It has been awhile since I wrote in here. I think it is just really too hard to keep up with this thing. The only time I write in here is when I am on punishment, because when I am not, I am either with Chandra or playing softball.
Amber is supposed to come down here for my spring break, but I really don't know if that is going to happen. I doubt it. I really miss her though, I wish I could see her.
I am going to Prom with Chandra most likely... maybe... I don't know yet. I want to go with her because it would totally be fun. lol.
But anyway... I am so wearing a suit. well... i love her... more than she will ever know.

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Date:2005-02-17 08:09
Mood: blank

what am i doing? I dont care... there isnt anything in my life. she hates me. she wont take me back. i just dont understand... someone explain it.

i start softball this week, i actually get to play bc i went to class this week.suprisingly... i didnt go to school for like 3 weeks. i dont care. fuck school.

and since when did april start caring? she dissappears from my life and now she wants to help me? she can't help... she is some of the problem. i cant seem to get over her... i still have those lingering feelings and i have someone who really cares about me.

i thought about going to kentucky on thursday... that would have been fun... better then here. i havce been to the beach for the last week, i am now sick of it.

well i g2g. coach j needs me... real shocker.

i love you... when i said forever i meant it. but i guess you didn't.

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Date:2005-02-09 19:58

Video code provided by KEKAI BOY


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Date:2005-02-07 08:49
Mood: gloomy

HOw can he make me feel like shit? He is the only person that can do it. I just don't understand what I did wrong. I spent time with her, yes, she is black, I know trust me. I love her to death, but I mean really, is it worth all this pain. Is it really? I am so confused, what am I supposed to do? Do I not talk to her because of him? DO I only talk to Amber because of him? DO I let him rule my life again? I am so lost... help.

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Date:2005-01-16 21:20

alcohol poisoning... ouch.

I miss Amber... yeah.

I love you... yeah.


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Date:2005-01-08 21:12
Mood: impressed

So I spent tonight with the family because we celebrated my birthday. LOL. It's next friday, but I made it PERFECTLY clear that I didn't want to have the party on MY birthday. I am sooo happy because I get to go out until one on my bday. My curfew is great. I should be spending it with Chandi and the others I hope.
Amber is supposed to come down here, but the way things are looking right now, I doubt that happens. Oh well, w.e its all gonna be okay. Maybe the week after next. Have I turned black? Everyone says I have bc of Chandi... oh well. I like spending time with her, it makes me happy. I mean since Amber is gone... I mean... yeah. You guys know. But anyway... I g2g.

I love you... hehe.

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Date:2005-01-08 13:13
Mood: anxious

I miss her... alot. I love her... alot. Wow... I do everything... alot.

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